In a startling announcement, the world's leading theoretical physicists have jointly announced that they have just been pretending to do research for the last 60 years and that all of the new discoveries they've reported in subatomic physics and all of the quantum physics and string theories they've created to explain them are just random musings from their imagination that have in no way been corroborated by real world experimentation.
"Yeah, a typical 'discovery' will be one of us shining a beam at a mass of atoms, using a spectrometer to measure the refraction, and then inventing some bullshit that we claim the refraction has uncovered. None of us know what the sub-atomic structure of matter looks like, and we have no idea what experimental data tells us about it. It's just wild conjecture on our part", said Gus Manyard, a leading physicist at George Mason University.
"Another group of us will typically repeat the experiment that made the 'discovery' (Manyard gestures the 'quotation' sign for this word), and just pretend it verifies the original conclusion. We had all wanted to avoid breaking down the facade and letting on that we're all bullshitting, so we've been quite cooperative in supporting each other's ruses."
"Oh it's easy", said Trent Downey, a researcher in Selubon Ohio. "We just talk about something incomprehensible like the the 7th or 8th dimension in string theory, and people don't bother to actually try to understand it since it sounds too complicated. They just assume we know what we're talking about".
Downey added, "The CERN Large Hadron Collider is the best. We get billions of dollars to create a huge circular tube, magnetize it, and sit around all day trying to come with complicated sounding theories for the measurements we get. None of us know what the fuck any of it signifies."
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